One, Two, (Three?)
I have been drafting, redrafting, deleting and editing this post for over a month now. I almost feel as if the ideas and concerns stored within it could be burried and refered to as a crazy episode if left alone.
Not long ago Andy made a comment that has thrown me into a whirlwind of extreme emotions. I wasn't expecting it, I didn't see it it coming but there it was: "maybe we should have another baby". After I regained consciousness, I simply wanted to know why. WHY would he bring this up now? After Noah was born, we put a lot of energy into this decision and finally settled on keeping our family contained with our two beloved and energetic boys. I realize that as the parent of a 2-year old, I am somewhat biased on the theory of procreating further. However, I thought we had made the solid decision for (forgive me) sanity...or partial sanity. Whatever.
During the eternity of silence I provided in order to think up an apt response, Andy may have noticed my pale face, twitching left eye and sweaty palms. I began to imagine myself dramatically agreeing with him, throwing my arms around his neck and being ever-so-thankful that my husband loves children so much. Then reality hit and I realized that the twitching eye was likely a product of the two boys' screams in the background. Tick tock tick tock. He deserves an answer... He kindly looked the other way when given the lame response of "I already donated my maternity clothes." (No, I am not a debate team alumni.)
The fact is, I don't have a solid reason other than simply being unsure. There are days when I long to go through the baby stage again and offer Elliott and Noah another person to love so much. But then there are those extreme opposite days when I think sleep is kinda nice. (See? Again with the lame responses.)
I know I can handle life in its current form.
I know I would have to undergo some personal changes to firmly accept a third child.
I know that I'm going to have a hard time resisting the desire for another baby when all of you (and you know who you are) have those new precious little ones in your arms.
and best of all...
I know I have plenty of time on my hands. Whew.
Not long ago Andy made a comment that has thrown me into a whirlwind of extreme emotions. I wasn't expecting it, I didn't see it it coming but there it was: "maybe we should have another baby". After I regained consciousness, I simply wanted to know why. WHY would he bring this up now? After Noah was born, we put a lot of energy into this decision and finally settled on keeping our family contained with our two beloved and energetic boys. I realize that as the parent of a 2-year old, I am somewhat biased on the theory of procreating further. However, I thought we had made the solid decision for (forgive me) sanity...or partial sanity. Whatever.
During the eternity of silence I provided in order to think up an apt response, Andy may have noticed my pale face, twitching left eye and sweaty palms. I began to imagine myself dramatically agreeing with him, throwing my arms around his neck and being ever-so-thankful that my husband loves children so much. Then reality hit and I realized that the twitching eye was likely a product of the two boys' screams in the background. Tick tock tick tock. He deserves an answer... He kindly looked the other way when given the lame response of "I already donated my maternity clothes." (No, I am not a debate team alumni.)
The fact is, I don't have a solid reason other than simply being unsure. There are days when I long to go through the baby stage again and offer Elliott and Noah another person to love so much. But then there are those extreme opposite days when I think sleep is kinda nice. (See? Again with the lame responses.)
I know I can handle life in its current form.
I know I would have to undergo some personal changes to firmly accept a third child.
I know that I'm going to have a hard time resisting the desire for another baby when all of you (and you know who you are) have those new precious little ones in your arms.
and best of all...
I know I have plenty of time on my hands. Whew.
posted by Felecia at Tuesday, May 24, 2005
2 Comments:
WOW! Another beautiful Engen would always be a wonderful sight. Good luck in deciding if taking that step is where your little (possibly growing) family is meant to head. You have all of mine and Zac's love and support.
NOOOO!!! RUN ANWAY!!!
err...wait...that's probably the morning sickness talking.
*Ahem*
In all seriousness, you are a wonderful mother, Felesh. I'm sure your family would be enriched by another little member. Just take your time and relax as you think about it. You do have plenty of time to make a decision. Maybe it's more of a timing issue than a numbers issue for you? Either way, I'm here for you!
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