Under the Rug
About a year ago, I was extremely surprised to find how far the reach of platonic friendship stretches. I was caught off guard, and while I usually like to poise myself with the façade of a level-headed, street savvy mature adult… I was anything but. A frozen version of me kept the ill-intended incident at bay for the first few weeks. Then the botox wore off and I came to terms with the fact that above all, I needed to seek the advice of Andy.
He, through the course of his own incidents with said friend, understood how the event came to fruition. We collectively came to terms that the person we once considered to be an asset in our lives was either a sham, or was going through an awful transformation. We took a step back from this friendship, which was extremely difficult because our families had become intertwined in so many areas. Sensing the confusion it caused for the family, we found ourselves drawing them in out of guilt, and the fact we were missing those who we had become so close to. But the unresolved issue always lingered in the air. Who was living a sham now?
Winter has been the saving grace. Attempts at confrontation or reconciliation aren’t easy when you’re shut in and busy with holidays and sick kids. I do miss the talks, the energy, and the play dates from time to time. Sure, there are some things I don’t miss so much, but I still feel like I was robbed of the opportunity to let this friendship either run its course or carry on.
It seems anger for Andy has a gestation period of one year. Judging by his feelings toward this character at present, you would think he was recently hurt by him. I certainly don’t blame him. He is still contacted from time to time by this lost friend. It’s getting harder and harder for him to bite his tongue, but he sure has gotten good at it. Unfortunately, what I have seen is Andy shying away from other friends who share in both of their lives. That’s not right.
He, through the course of his own incidents with said friend, understood how the event came to fruition. We collectively came to terms that the person we once considered to be an asset in our lives was either a sham, or was going through an awful transformation. We took a step back from this friendship, which was extremely difficult because our families had become intertwined in so many areas. Sensing the confusion it caused for the family, we found ourselves drawing them in out of guilt, and the fact we were missing those who we had become so close to. But the unresolved issue always lingered in the air. Who was living a sham now?
Winter has been the saving grace. Attempts at confrontation or reconciliation aren’t easy when you’re shut in and busy with holidays and sick kids. I do miss the talks, the energy, and the play dates from time to time. Sure, there are some things I don’t miss so much, but I still feel like I was robbed of the opportunity to let this friendship either run its course or carry on.
It seems anger for Andy has a gestation period of one year. Judging by his feelings toward this character at present, you would think he was recently hurt by him. I certainly don’t blame him. He is still contacted from time to time by this lost friend. It’s getting harder and harder for him to bite his tongue, but he sure has gotten good at it. Unfortunately, what I have seen is Andy shying away from other friends who share in both of their lives. That’s not right.
posted by Felecia at Tuesday, March 22, 2005
2 Comments:
I think I know of the incident you are vaguely referring to and as a friend and family member I don't know that not confronting this issue head on was the most wise. Andy is definitely a "guy's guy" and protecting/defending his wife's honor is part of that mentality. I guess what I am try to say is maybe it's time to talk with these less than prefect (aren't we all) friends and let the chips fall where they may. Maybe the offensive behavior has continued with or without you? Just my 2 cents. Love you!
I was a bit clueless as I read your blog, but when I read Lib's entry, I think I too, remember the story of which you so cryptically speak. (the gentle language proof right their of your caring and kind-heartedness.)
If I am remembering correctly, I WHOLE-HEARTEDLY agree with Libby. Although it's comfortable to be in established friendships when we're no longer able to run up to anyone about our same height and say "hi, I'm mindy, I'm 28, wanna be my friend?" It seems like this is one of those oh-so-unfortunate times when you might just have to cut losses, or confront. For Andy's sake, as well as the sake of the friendship.
Good Luck my dear cousin!
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